The Hourly WHY __Episode 04

The Old Man and the C++

published in the April 2002 PRESS as "Chapter 234,421: The Old Man and the C+++"

By Jeff Worman

Katie Crackler was known for self-aggrandizing savvy, her keen e-journalistic prowess, her status as the highest paid anchor for the English version of Good Morning Sector 7 and of course, ostensibly having a really telegenic toosh.

It went not without its responsibilities.

Scooping the competition was paramount.

“What can we do about interviewing the Langerthal Twins?” she rasped at her producer.

Flip “Mikey” MacOver took out his tongue to speak, paused a moment to arch his back before folding his wings. The old crow, Flip, having produced for Katie during the last decade point five. Made his mark producing the Mid East Melee, Parts 4 and 5, Operation Enduring Smoke Screen and a series of instructional videos on ‘Going for the Bright Shiny’, ‘Championing Excellence.’

And so on.

“If the NSTSB can’t find them. Want makes you think we can?” Mike cawed.

“They have their reasons not to find them,” she answered with a hocker.

* * *

Delores Langerthal trimmed the gain on her mane and sixty-two inches of blond fell to her ankles. Her twin Debbie did the same, tweaking the volume as a swarm of mosquitoes rushed up from the river to feed.

They found their long blond hairs inpenetratable and settled on the Langerthal gals’ feet, their faces. Incredulously, they began to swell, when a Government spinner swooped down from above.

“Get in before the spiders come!”

Debbie climbed in first followed by Delores. Hell, it was a Tao Jones Industrial Peace vehicle. Number 12. Used primarily for monitoring fiscal responsibility, traffic flow and ‘The Way,’ but it had enough room to seat three, as long as one of the twins sat sideways.

The pilot extended his hand.

“I’m here to keep an eye on the Fresh water industry on the Great Lakes and report anything that may trigger a buy-off,” he said, a mouth full of noodles and chewing wax.

“We were on our way to Deerwood when the auto-pilot malfunctioned thrusting us into the Accelerator along I-1257. Now we’re in the Detroit of a parallel universe,” Debbie responded, flipping the switch back on her hair-do.

“How can you tell?”

“Because everything here is scripted in redolent Jibberish, back in our universe, the street signs are tri-ligual.”

Suddenly a transmission came in over the dash.

“Unit 12, I need you to check out a disturbance involving lavish improprieties, rank and unlicensed laundering on Level 65. It’s the old Mall-mart Water House on the river. A gang of rogues have taken their employees hostage, threatening to withhold their health insurance and pensions if they don’t agree to concessions.”

“10-4, I’m on my way.”

* * *

Dean Wendler ducked as the first missile tore through the train’s cargo bay overhead. He grabbed his laptop, his chewing wax, and made his way to the emergency exit. An old Greyhound bus coverted for Homeland Security, (complete with a cardboard North American flag Scotch taped to the roof,) was already in place, taking him and the other passengers, on the 8:48 to Deerwood, via expressway.

Via the emergency lane.

The emergency lane to Deerwood.

“Right this way. No Running, please,” a police droid calmly motioned.

“I got back early because we didn’t have to stop in Peasant Prairie and Towerdale,” Dean told his wife, a hologram masking her unenviable face.

“Where’s Uncle Don?”

A zeppelin freighter and copter formation drifted overhead carting off the still melting monorail, as reclamation crews were on the ground, sifting through glowing rubble for DNA.

Uncle Don was going to do a little fishing.

The Forecast calls for highs in high eighties, little or no precipitation, moderate UV radiation levels, substantial mold, some pollen and the Threat for Terrorism, (T4T,) moves up a notch to Code Magenta from mauve. The Tao is up and the S&P 5 Trillion continues to teeter

Shameless advertisement...

Hourly WHY T-Shirts

a Must Have Great Gift Nice Prize Happy Acquisition Nice Find Good Buy

View the Latest Releases at our why store

hourlywhy.com
© Jeff Worman alarmartist@hotmail.com
Telephone 262.742.4308